Yeah, well maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person... but baby I know.

When a relationship finishes It's pretty clear to each party whose The Dumpee and The Dumper. (No, I don't believe there's anything quite as simple as a mutual breakup. One person is always happier about it then the other.) Dumpee and Dumper go their separate ways, avoid social events the other may be at, (Unless they want to see each other) divide up their things and after months/years of tears, rebirth, rebounds and acceptance get back to normal life. However, when a Friendship breaks up things aren't so simple. Can you truly finish a great friendship or is their bound to be a backslide? 

It's only as I've grown older that I realised the true importance of great friends. I had great friends, and I've lost great friends and over time I've beat myself up for it.
Some people managed to stumble through life making best friends wherever they go, and somehow no matter how little they do, their friendships are still kept and appreciated. I however, am not one of those people. If I prioritize my time wrongly I usually lose a friend, yet its only later on that I realise what I've done.

When I was at school I had some pretty great friends, however when I left, I left them. At times I don't always remember why but I know there must of been a reason. I seem to get caught up in keeping my own head afloat that I forget to check up on those who may not be physically there but are still just as important. (Kinda like forgetting to text back when you've had a busy couple of days.)

In my opinion, a Friendship breakup is by far the worse, It's not like you can console in former boyfriends for kind words and confidence boosting compliments. No, only that friend could of done it!
This usually happens in one of two ways, (or on really outrageous circumstances both) for a number of reasons. 
The first:
·          Slow and steady, commonly known as the 'Faze out'.
The second:

·            Short and sudden, basically, a bit of a kick in the teeth although we shall call it 'The Cut'

(If you're wondering, both together would be to be fazed out and then broken up with.. Ouch!)

Either of these can happen for numerous reason; changes in career, relationship, location, circumstances, interests etc. etc... unless of course you betray a friend that's pretty explanatory why your not their friend anymore.

Now as far as I'm aware I've only suffered a faze out, but I know that I have given many people The Cut, mostly unaware I'm even doing it or usually because I'm too stubborn to bother trying with them anymore. Yes, I hate to admit it, I am extremely lazy when It comes to friendships... relationships alike, but that's a different story.
So as the years have gone on and the reality hit home that I know barely anything about the people I grew up with now I tried my hardest to attempt to get them back and rebuild the great friendships I had so foolishly let crumble.

Now luckily, two have (I think cautiously) let me back into their lives and only yesterday did I hear the real truth. "We haven't really seen you in two years though Jess" . 'Ouch, that hurt' I thought, but it was true. I hadn't intended to but I hadn't included them and although luckily It wasn't entirely my fault, (they hadn't included me) I realised it was most definitely me who had initiated it.
I understand it will take more than a few coffees for me to ever be thought of by them as I first was, and I doubt I'll ever be allowed back to their circles and back to the friends I first threw away but I'm hopeful one day I'll be forgiven.

There's a lot of people I'll probably never get back in my life, some who I truly miss, but that's just a reality I'll have to face. I think the biggest problem I had was the inability to forgive, and the confidence to apologize. If I could tell the younger me that one day that petty squabble your having now won't even be a faint memory in a few years time, I think I would of acted very differently.

So, like relationships, although the squabbles end and the possessions are distributed, you'll always remember why you feel in love with them in the first place. If your friends were as great as you remember they'll have to forgive you, because that's what good friends do and your differences will connect you once again.

I will continue to fight for my friends back because I realise now how silly it was to ever let them go, yet I know not all of them will welcome me with open arms. There's no such thing as a finished friendship until the fat lady sings... (Or they perform The Cut.)